Storms and Other Things

I forgot to update the status on our little baby robin that I was taking care of. Poor little Eggy passed away the day before I went in the hospital. I had her three weeks, and she seemed to be doing quite well, then she started to refuse to eat and drink except for a very small amount. On May 31st, I woke up early in the morning to feed her and she was dead on the bottom of the cage. *sigh* Poor little girl.

Since moving to central Indiana this past April, we have had the daylights scared out of us by some vicious storms on a regular basis. We had some terrific storms in Tennessee as well, but these storms here are by far the worst and most consistent I have ever seen in my entire life! Lightning is wild and crazy, and with the land area being very flat, you can see it coming from miles away. Across the road from us is a large farm area, and when the storms are rolling in, it looks like a scene from the movie "Twister".

Two nights ago we had storms come through with 60 MPH winds, sideways rain and violent lightning. The next morning, my daughter finds a baby bird at the base of one of our 150 foot cottonwood trees (we have several). The mother was still hanging around, so I told my daughter to leave the baby bird alone. I try not to interfere with nature too much, if the mom's there, she will continue to feed the baby.

Yesterday, my daughter check on this little birdie, and it's laying on its side, completely featherless and barely making a chirp. My daughter looks at me with this pitiful look and says "Please, Mom..." with begging in her eyes. How could I say no?

She scooped up the little one and ran it to me. Poor little thing was cold, shivering and very weak. I didn't think it would make it another hour, to be honest. So I jump into my rescue mode and start making the concoction of bird gruel to try to get this baby back on track. Wrapping that baby up in a light washcloth, I held it in my hands to warm it while I force-fed it a few little bites of food. When I figure out how to post photos on this thing here, I'll post one of this baby and maybe someone can help me identify what kind of bird it is. It's a BIG baby, with a real wide beak that makes it look like its smiling....the mouth actually bigger than the baby's whole head!

We haven't named this baby bird yet...as I am still holding out to see whether or not it survives, but today it is strong, and opening its mouth to be fed with vigor! I'm very happy it's doing better.

My follow-up visit at the doctor revealed that I had a DVT while I was sick, and that was part of my breathing problem. I had not heard this from any of the hospital personnel, but my primary care physician filled me in. A DVT is short for deep vein thrombosis ie: blood clot that can travel through your body to your brain (which would cause a stroke) , to your heart (causing a heart attack), or to your lungs ( causing a pulmonary embolus). Let's just say that this new information was quite sobering, to say the least.

I'm recovering quicker than what the doctor expected, which was surprising to hear, because it's not been quick enough for me. I'm used to bouncing back faster than this, but he promised me that I'm doing 'fabulous'.

So there you have it for today, kids! With Lots of Love, Granni XOXOX

Mother Nature and Other Things

Leave it to my dear friend, 4030lisa to put things in a way to not only make me smile, but think as well. (see comments on last Blog Post)

You are absolutely correct about Mother Nature and her little (or not so little) life lessons. That old broad has got more tricks than I do, and seeing as I am a master of avoidant behavior.... (the Queen-Head-In-The-Sand) I have been a bit ticked off at her keeping me on such a short leash.

I wanted a cigarette so bad, I thought about telling old Mother Nature to blow it out her ass! This thought was amusing to me as I visualized myself lighting up one of my Misty 120's Menthols and blowing that smoke right in her face! Take THAT you old bird! hee hee

Then, of course my imaginings took on a life of their own and before I knew it, Mother Nature was staring me down through narrowed eyes and saying, "Ahem, you little termite... I could blow YOU out of my ass and call it a day!" Followed by some under breath comments about my basic ingratitude, and being childish and a brat. Somehow, picturing myself being blown out of Mother Nature's ass carries no appeal for me whatsoever, and you know I'd come out looking bad in the whole deal.

Today I go for my post-hospital check up to see if I will continue on course, or if I need a bit more tweaking... (maybe an oil change?)

To sum it up, I have always resented life's little intrusions on what I felt was my right to live my life as I chose to. I never appreciated reality tapping me on the shoulder when I was dancing my heart out in the clouds somewhere...(and I was always dancing in the clouds somwhere)!

I guess this snarky old bag has met her match. I need to face reality and accept my role in my own health or I am doomed to repeat this same mistake over and over until it literally kills me. Who the hell wants that??? Time for me to suck it up and quit my bitching, at least on this subject.

I do want to PUBLICLY THANK my dear friend, @jinnandtonics from Twitter, who sent me a gorgeous basket of flowers in the hospital (and they're still quite lovely today) and signed the card from all of you..... "The Gang" Melissa, Jill, Nick, Teri, Lisa, FizzyDuck, SantaDearest and "the rest". I'd get on the SS Minnow anyday with you all for a three hour tour even if we ended up as castaways! How you guys managed to find me, I will never know...but it sure meant alot to me at the time, and will always bring me to tears to think of the day I got flowers from my twitter friends! That was unbelievably awesome!

Hugs and Lots of Granni Kisses!!! XOXOXOXOX

Untitled Progress Report

I promised to keep you all posted on my progress, and since my word is pretty much all I'm good for any more, I'm here to fill you all in. I've tried several times to sit down here and do this since I got out of the hospital, but everything I wrote sounded like an old person complaining about bunions or lumbego.

I still have not smoked.....which is amazing! I'm thrilled, though I cannot boast of having a strong will....if my breathing was back to normal, I would've been smoking again already. So it's not a case of steel fortitude, it's simply a case of I CANNOT ! Nevertheless, I'm pleased....and being pleased with one's self is truly a wonderful thing these days.

My few days home have been funny...The house looks different, the grandkids look different. I look different. I'm covered pretty much from head to toe with black and purple bruises from shots, IV's and being manhandled.

The Pulmonary Physician that treated me in the hospital did a good job, lucky for me. Because he resembled Paul Williams in that iconic leprechaun sort of way and looked at me sheepishly about my smoking habit, all the while trying to hide the trach-port in his own throat. Doctor and patient, each aware of the other's weakness, and floating in the same boat. I don't know if he was ever fully aware of the irony, but I sure was.

This same doctor sent me home with a laundry list of medications, many of them new...and this was funny in itself. I have been diabetic for maybe 4 or 5 years, but never needed insulin. Now with huge mega-doses of corticosteroids, I find I now supposedly need insulin. That would be fine, but I have no way to test my glucose, and the doc wrote me a script for the needles, but not the insulin to go with it....LOLOLOL!! So here I have a box of 100 syringes...but nothing to put in them. This is one of the funny things that happen to me in my life that people sometimes swear I just make up as I go along! (honest! I don't!)

Doc also sent me home with a new blood pressure pill that needed "prior authorization". He instructed me to to let his office know if the pharmacy wouldn't fill it, which I promptly did. His staff tells me they can't fix this issue, because the doctor handles my lungs, not my heart...so I was out of luck....and I'm dumbfounded with the phone in my hand and my jaw hanging open...okaaaay...... and I now know I got discharged before I was ready because Medicare decided it was time for me to go. I am truly lucky to be alive.

Life on high doses of steroids really stinks...cause I want to eat everything in sight...but the wonderful thing about it is, everything you eat tastes fantastic!! Too bad I didn't discover the secret to oral fixation while I was still married....maybe the divorce would not have been necessary!

So, there you have it, my irreverent view on things in general. Life is quite literally what you make it, or should I say that life takes on its true meaning by how we respond to it, rather than what we try to fool others into believing about us...which is a silly waste of time.

As a dear friend of mine blogged recently...don't waste your time in envy or jealousy over what you wish you had. I don't need big boobs, lucious lips or even an active sex life anymore. I'm comfortable being me, and I'm embracing myself with both hands without apology. Gimme a jelly donut and a soft chair and I'll be happy as a clam.

Life is good, kids. And those little sucky moments along the way are just little reminders to pay attention...that you're getting too comfortable, that you're not appreciating the bigger picture. Come on now, you wouldn't think twice about your butt unless you had an occasional hemorroid to remind you that sitting can be a pleasure or a curse depending on what your current situation may be.

I miss you all very much, but I'm trying to be good and take care of myself...(besides I've been watching the Trueblood Marathons at night....). I know you all are still not quite sure how to take me yet, but it's just me...

Love and Hugs to you ALL!!! XXXXX

Home Again Home Again Jiggedy Jig

I have been released from the hopsital this evening and so I am now at home scared out of my wits! I'm supposed to take care of myself now, give myself insulin and not walk too much. I have an oxygen tank that I either completely drained, or shut off...I don't really know for sure. BUt All this is rather hysterical for me because when I comes down to it, if it's associated with me, some how, some way....it's gonna be screwed up. LOLOL!

I'M ALIVE, and that's the good news and when I get myself on an even keel, I'll fill you wonderful people in on the power of Twitter Friendship, give you all big wet hugs and kisses and tell you all how much you mean to me!!

It's a miracle that I still exist, and a testament to my tweet-pals relationship with the ALmighty, I'm sure. My doctor said he had no other reason to explain that I did not die. I HAVE NOT SMOKED! (YAY!) BUt when I arrived by ambulance a week ago, I was in full respiratory failure.

I'm okay, just trying to get over that the offensive smell in my house is actually ME......(PEE-UU) and my daughter will help me get washed up and slathered in deodorant (or at least take pity on me and put a stick-up on my forehead).

You all are precious, wonderful people! And I will update you on everything as soon as I can!

*HUGS AND KISSES* ANNIE XOXOXOXOX

My Dear Friends

I'm not doing well, and I 'm probably going to have to go into the hospital for awhile. I have been following the regimen of medications given to me by the ER doctor to the letter and have gotten no relief whatsoever. Being an old hat at this, I know what's in store for me when I decide to head back to the hospital...and though at the moment I'm trying like hell to avoid it, I know it's inevitable.

Currently my breathing is so bad that I can't walk or talk much. Movement makes me extremely short of breath. I have to sit very still and not move much at all. I know that I have symptoms of respiratory failure, and I know I need to be intubated again. (That's why I'm holding off on going back to the hospital). I have gone through this many, many times in my life...too many.

I can't smoke, so that's a plus. I do light one and hold it...sometimes take a tiny puff, but not inhale. Pathetic, I know. I'm embarrassed at my own idiocy, but I tell it like it is, even if it makes me look bad. I developed chest pain late last night, and it took 3 squirts with my nitro spray before it subsided somewhat. I know I am in serious hot water this time. And I am very aware that this time, I may not recover from it.

SO I wanted to let you all know, because I truly do care for my friends online. Everytime I sent you a hug or a kiss or told you that I loved you, I meant it!!! You all have enriched my life with your humor, and sharing your lives with me---- and it means a great deal to me. You are all wonderful people, and I am grateful to have met you!

I'm terrifed at the moment that I may not survive this latest round of illness...but I'm not looking for any one of you to feel sorry for me, I'm not looking for attention and I'm not trying to be dramatic. Facts are facts. I screwed up my own health by smoking. It's my own fault. I've got no one to blame but myself. I don't want to die...the idea of it scares me more than words can describe. I don't have a strong religious foundation to lean on for comfort like many folks do. So there's no feeling of a 'safety net'. I know I'm bearing the consequences of my own stupidity....that is, the act of smoking was stupid...I still hold to the opinion that doing stupid things does not make a person stupid overall....LOL I'm not an idiot. I'm not stupid. But in that particular area, I concede.

Hopefully I will return in a few days feeling better and will have kicked the smoking habit once and for all! If I could give up the smoking, it would make this current suffering well worth it.

I wanted to tell you all this myself now, just in case I don't make it...because I know when I don't hear from the people I care about, I worry about them. I'm not going to lecture you on the evils of bad habits like smoking...you're all adults, and unless you've been living under a rock, you know what the facts are-- and you're all responsible for the outcomes of your own lives. I hope you all will take care of your health better than I have done, but even if you don't, I won't love you any less.

I send all my love to each of you:

Isy
Peggy
Lisa
Kris
Karen
Lina
Sue
Nick
Sheri
Janice
Cassee
Jill
Portia (only know your RP name)
Shannon
Claudine (RP)
Mikey
Terri
Scott
SantaDeareat (RP)
Yarho
SweetlyCaroline (RP)
Camille
GG
Lori
WarrenWm.
jinnandtonics
FizzyDuck
RedHatsof NedCo.

You all took the time to be my friends and I adore you all. You have made me laugh, make me think about things and shared your unique perspective on life that I have enjoyed immensely.
If I have not named you, it just means I have a crappy memory and not that this all doen't apply to you. I have almost 400 people who follow me on twitter and I have spoken to many of you directly. I can't possibly name you all, but you know who you are!

Granni Hugs and Kisses!! Hope to see you all real soon.

With All My Heart,
Annie

This and That

I've been pretty busy for the last week, but nevertheless have been very observant. Strange things have been happening...odd, annoying, or just plain idiotic! Now, I'm not one to gripe, but I have found some happenings a little less than appealing.

Let's start off with the lawn mower man. Lawn Mower man comes to my house once a week to mow and weed whack (sorry, it doesn't EAT the grass, it WHACKS it). I have a full acre of yard, and with all the rain we got the past week, it had gotten fairly high and thick. Normally he comes on Thurdays, but last Thurs. he was a no-show. By Monday, I was pretty irritated with how my yard was looking and called. "Oh yes! We'll be there this afternoon" So I waited at home...and he didn't show up till 7:30PM. Maybe he thought I had no life.

Let me tell you, he whizzed thru my yard so fast that the grass simply laid down and popped back up after he passed over it. Then, skipping the normal weed-whacking areas, he hurriedly loaded his truck and split. Hmmm...for that I pay 50 bucks? Now my daughter, after a full day of running around to school and back, doing the grocery shopping for me and chasing the kids thru the park-- is out there at dusk re-mowing the yard with a push mower.

The other night, the lid to my kitchen trash can mysteriously opened and closed by itself. No one was around but me and my other daughter, and she saw it too. *shrugs* Okaaay....

Online this morning the headlines included a story about a dairy in Ohio who was secretly filmed abusing their cows. Beating them with crowbars, stabbing them with pitchforks and punching them in the head. WHY???? If this was for their amusement, or some kind of therapeutic way of releasing their stress, I'd like to relieve some of my stress on those people myself! That story made me cry.

One of my favorite bands will be in Indianapolis on June 23rd, (The Moody Blues) and I so wanted to go. But my sister who lives here will be on vacation back to NJ for that week, so I don't get to go. *sigh*

You all know I had tests done two weeks ago for my heart. Well, after all this time, I figured no news is good news... and thought I was in the clear. Nope. The doctor's office called today to tell me my tests were abnormal and I need to come in. Something about a lack of oxygen to my heart....no more details were given, I have to wait till June 8th to get the full story from the doctor himself. Yeah, that will be a relaxing couple of weeks.

Normally I would close this post with some amusing remark, as I have done with the others ...but I don't have any. This world sometimes makes me sick. The troubles going on around us weigh heavy on my soul, like the oil spill in the Gulf...slowly, surely coating everything beautiful in it's sticky, suffocating goo. Some days I have to ask myself, 'why am I here?' then a little voice in the middle of the night will come to me and say, "Gramma, can I sleep with you tonight?" and I know.

Loose Lips

When I was a kid, keeping my mouth shut at the appropriate times was sometimes difficult. My mother would give me a look that could rip your skin off and I would be told later that whatever it was I said was "unacceptable". The problem was, I was never a good liar, and didn't know how to keep family secrets very well. I never knew when it was okay to say something and when it wasn't. Mom was always telling me to grow up, which confused the hell out of me, because she never could tell me how to go about doing just that. I would've loved to accomodate her, just so I would gain her approval in some small way--but alas, it was not meant to be.

As I got older, I definitely learned what things I could tell her safely without the worry of getting any flak. But occasionally, an innocent comment would get me and hour and a half lecture fraught with disapproval. *sigh* Mom was definitely a Type-A personality and anal-retentive about almost everything. Mom could nit-pick about the dumbest things like how you combed your hair, where you went to get your taxes done and how much money you spent on dinner out. Sometimes she would take it too far and it was so ridiculous, I had to stifle my laughter.... Like once I called her on the phone and she answered in an annoyed tone. When I asked her what was wrong, she said: "I'm trying to eat dinner!!" So me being the smartass that I am replied, "Oh good. That was my plan, to interrupt your dinner!" She realized the absurdity of being angry and laughed.

In the past few years, I have noticed that when I'm uncomfortable or nervous, I'll say things that are blunt, brutally honest and sometimes inappropriate leaving me embarrassed or horrified. The first time I took note of it was when I was in the dentist's chair. Fully numb and mush-mouthed, his drill hit a spot that nearly made me cling to the ceiling. Not thinking, I signed "that fucking hurt!". He looked at me, not knowing what I was signing and said, "What?" So stupid me had to translate with a mouth full of cotton. Now I was on gas at the time, and I will use that as my excuse for my lack of discretion--but anyone who lives in the South will tell you, a lady NEVER drops the F-bomb. Thank God my dentist laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair, but I skipped a few appointments to be sure he'd forgotten the incident...(he didn't).

Yesterday, I'm meeting my new doctor for the first time, and he's asking me many questions about my health history. He asked me about mammograms, Pap smears, and finally asked me if I'd ever had a colonoscopy. Again, without thinking I responded, "Uh uh...NO WAY" He said, "Why?" To which I replied, "Noboody's running a hose up my ass!" ::oh god, I didn't just say that out loud did I?:: One look at his face told me, yeah, I certainly did. Thankfully, he laughed really hard and said, "Well, at least you're honest!"

I won't even tell you about the time I was in church when they introduced a guest speaker named "James Brown" and yes, he was a skinny little black man. Naturally, I had to open my big mouth and start singing (albeit quietly) "Ow! I feel good..." But two rows of folks behind me and two rows in front of me heard me, some tittered and snickered, others gave me that same look mom used to.

So when I say 'I tell it like it is' that's not my way of bragging about my ability to be honest, it's a warning to others that I just can't help myself.